What happens when you have Cabin Fever

So after the week of never-ending snow (aka being inside your house for a week!) ;) my sister and I decided to venture out and use some giftcards received over the holidays.

At the end of our shopping trip we were both pretty hungry and decided to use another gift card at the local Panera and grab a sandwich and have a peaceful little lunch. As we are sitting down to eat it became quite obvious to both of us that at the table right next to us there was quite an intense debate/conversation happening about whether the Bible was God's word and wether or not God really exists etc. I enjoy those type sof conversations and we couldn't help but hear it since the guys voice was quite loud. Haha... we ended up getting brave and asking them to come over to our table and continue the discussion. It was great - and Candace (the girl) believes the Bible and Jordan was questioning and saying he didn't feel like he could and wanted evidence. It was a good conversation.

I like meeting random people in Panera and discussing God. Jordan is currently attending Georgetown University in Washington D.C. and just finished taking a class called "The Problem of God." I thought that was so interessting seeing as I so strongly believe that God is the answer to the problem (the problem being sin.) Hmmm... good thinking thoughts. I enjoy. :D

Overwhelming Love

I could not have had a more beautiful birthday. Lately my heart has felt overwhelmed with love and I don't even know how to handle it all. There are so many incredibly, beautiful people in my life who I know love me way more than I deserve but I thank the Lord so much for allowing all these people into my life - they have helped shape and challenge me and have been there through the hard times to remind me of who I am in Christ and challenge me to joy through all circumstances. I am so humbled at all of this love and am honestly overwhelmed with love. Pure love.

Fruit and Gifts

Lately I have been thinking alot about the fruits of the Spirit verses the gifts of the Spirit.



A fruit is the product of what is cultivated.

A gift is freely given by the Lord and is ours to receive or reject.



So - fruit of the Spirit is something that can be grown and cultivated only through the vine, Jesus Christ (John 15) and is affected by our surroundings/environment/choices. Fruit flourishes under the right conditions or dies. It can also look good on the outside but inside be worthless.



The gifts of the Spirit is something that God gives us freely to further His kingdom and is ours either to receive and use for His kingdom or to hoard and be selfish with. It's a gift to use to further the Kingdom not something we are supposed to sit on and keep for ourselves. I think a gift shared and given to others is so beautiful.

"Secrets"

“Secrets”
6/18/2008

It started out as something so small
A neglected heart at the edge of the crowd
What draw the crowd has – one may never know
But she stands at the edge –feeling alone and left out

There is a war going on much deeper than she knows
It started almost before time
So how can she fight if she doesn’t know?
The war for a soul – defenseless and standing at the edge of the crowd

What secrets held inside?
Secrets that are meant to be shared
Secrets that stay inside only bind you in fear
The voices that no one hears but scream at you at night
They hold you alone and keep you at the edge of the crowd

That’s part of the war that started before time
The battle for a soul – Satan has no right
He stretches out the tentacles that keep you locked up in fear
Freedom seems impossible
Secrets are what bind you in fear

The father of lies is the father of secrets
When you hold them inside the secrets control you
Not only the secrets but the father of secrets
Each secret a tentacle –keeping you from your freedom

Each secret a chain and lock that must be opened
To be able to trust and to gain your freedom
You can’t hold these secrets they don’t belong to you
You were bought at a price before you even knew what love was

The chains held by the father of secrets
Keep your soul locked and bound
Can be opened and freed – you must trust and get rid of these secrets

Secrets held in the dark will only tie you down
You must shed light on them
Though your eyes squint and you shudder from what used to hold you down

The light will expose the dark secrets and the darkness will flee
When you trust and share the secret
Only then can you be free

prayer continually

This is the Stockbridge Boiler Room Prayer Garage. They host 24/7 prayer times throughout the year and this past week they had another one. People sign up for hour time slots and they have prayer going on non-stop for a week. I went with my friend Christiana one morning this week and it's just wonderful. The prayers written out in the prayer journals, through art on the walls, nailed on the cross, the music. I don't pray enough - in fact I am really bad at praying. I'm really good at worrying first and praying second. God has been speaking to me alot about prayer lately and it is an area of my life i am striving to re-vamp and break old habits in. Old-habits die hard however. So if you are reading this I would appreciate prayers to pray more and first. Thank you for that...

Be joyful always. Pray continually. Give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18~

Joy

Joy to the world - the Lord is come!

Joy is so incredible. I love how the Bible talks about Joy -
"Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds..." (James 1:2)

Once again that seeming contradiction of the Bible. But is it really? Why would it be joyful to face a trial? Maybe because in the facing of a trial you become closer to Christ and his suffering on the cross and understand His heart better. What if through that trial you become more like Christ? What if through that trial you're joy becomes more pure because you have been in the valley and walked through it and up the other side and have been better prepared for something that God is calling you towards but would have no idea how to handle if you hadn't walked through that trial. Ultimate pure joy.

At church yesterday, Rod was talking about when we truly are seeking Christ we sometimes become poor, suffer and are rejected, and yet it says this is pure joy. The world offers popularity, wealth, success etc. which can look very attractive. Except those are empty and do not bring about the type of everlasting joy. True joy comes at a cost. Jesus is joy.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
He humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place
and gave Him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
(Phillipians 2:6-10)

Joy comes from surrender and that also brings about freedom. Jesus made himself obedient to death. Why would we not? Jesus is joy. Do you want deep, pure, joy? Try surrendering as Jesus did and die to self and live only in Him and through Him. Joy is a choice not an emotion... Especially through the hard things that is when we must choose joy because it is bringing about Jesus in our life.

Joy to the world - the Lord is come!
Let earth receive her king
Let every heart prepare Him room
And heaven and nature sing...

Called verses Qualified

"God doesn't call the qualified - He qualifies the called."
~Andy McDaniel~

My dad has some pretty good one liners. Some are funny, some are serious, some are funny yet serious seeing as it's my dad. But that one up there is pretty awesome. We live in a time where qualifications mean everything. We are constantly placing our value forward. People ask for qualifications when hiring for a job. We are really good at proving ourselves.

But yet we long for that place of resting in Christ where wo don't have to prove anything anyways, because He already knows. We long to be known and yet we are always trying to prove ourselves. We are contradictions.

Lord let me not get caught up in qualifications - when looking at others or in trying to prove myself. Let me come to you as an empty vessel that You alone can fill me up to be used for Your purposes alone. Call me to You first and foremost and let me not place value in my qualifications but rather in my calling to be called to you.

Jesus' Love

"You are the blood over, the door of my heart. What pain you spared me from, how could I know it all?!"
~Bethany Dillon~

I was thinking about this song lyric earlier and how absolutely intimate, caring and personal is Jesus' love for me. Just as in the book of Exodus it talks about a passover lamb and putting their blood over the doorframe so that the Lord would pass over their houses and not harm the Israelites, so does Jesus blood do that for me now. Nothing can "pass through" the door of my heart that doesn't directly impact Jesus, because His blood is over my heart and covers me. He cares and knows what is going in and out of the "door of my heart."

Wow.

Contradiction, or not?

A few weeks ago I was at Evensong which is a weekly worship gathering of about 500+ college age students. They had a speaker come in named Thomas Mollhagen. He started Open Arms for Asia, an orphanage in India. http://www.openarmsforasia.org/

He was saying how one morning they didn't have any food and didn't have any money to get food and he was worried. One of the little girls came up to him and said, "Thomas did you pray yet?" He said, "yes I've prayed." She said, "then why are you worrying?" They all prayed together and a truck pulled up to the door and this guy had had a huge party the night before and had tons of left over food and asked if they could use it. God provides.

Then I was reading in Jeremiah 50:4

"In those days, at that time,"declares the LORD, "the people of Israel and the people of Judah together will go in tears to seek the LORD their God.

Matthew 6:27
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life

Doesn't that contradict eachother? Being able to seek the Lord in tears and yet not worrying? Crying is a strong emotion, that Jesus experienced as well. Tears can be triggered by many things. So being able to seek the Lord in tears - I've been there but so often it can be associated with worry. The Bible is full of what seems to be contradictions. I myself can feel like a walking contradiction sometimes, but I think God understands our hearts. We are told not to worry but that can be literally impossible. I think not giving into a constant state of worry and learning about surrender is what God wants and being able to surrender through the hard things. I would like to be more like the little girl talking to Thomas. "Did you pray? Then why are you worried?" God knows we need to be able to come to Him in tears and cry and seek Him with those strong emotions, but being able to ultimately say - "I trust You, Lord and I will surrender even though this is hard."

Surrender. Wow, God understands our hearts so intimately. That is a beautiful concept!

Home

I've had alot of girls talk to me lately about feelings of loneliness or being left out. Having people go out and do things and then they find out about it later. Feelings of not belonging.

Girls like to be pursued and have a tendency to rely alot on expectations. If things don't go the way we think or had hoped it can tend to crush us.

I was thinking about this since alot of girls had expressed feelings of loneliness etc and it just reminded me that this is not our home. Sure we can have wonderful earthly families that God can bless us with and friendships but no matter how wonderful people can be they are still people and will let us down. This is not the end for us. This is not "home." We are going to have feelings of "left out" or not completely home. But what do we do with those feelings? In Luke it talks about how Jesus actually pursued lonely places to talk to God.

Luke 5:16
But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.

How many of us would acctually chose to often go to lonely places. Being lonely is usually associated with being a bad thing. I remember when my family first moved to Miami that was one of the most lonely times for me. I didn't have any friends - was 17 and didn't have a car. My sister (who is my best friend) stayed in Michigan for school. But that time was so wonderful. I look back on that time and wish I had a little more of that in my life now. I had so much time to just pour into my relationship with Christ. He shaped me and really did so much in my heart during this "lonely" time.

People long for "home" and what all that means and deep friendship and people long to be known intimately and loved for who we all are.

We aren't home yet - but being lonely is not bad. There are glimpses of home here that God gives us and those moments are beautiful reminders of what it will be someday. Thank you, Lord for those moments of "home" before we are home.

Time

We hustle and bustle to keep up with time

While the clock never stops

It's time that holds our constant demand

God created time.

What is time? A gift.

What is to be done with the time given you?

To be fully alive in Christ and His plans and God's will. Blooming where you're planted. But being willing to be transplanted.

I was thinking about the gift of time yesterday because I heard the "Cinderella" song by Steven Curtis Chapman and it made me cry. Maria is so beautiful. But as I was crying I looked up and saw the beautiful clouds and the sunshine breaking through and it looked like a little piece of heaven and I remembered she was there dancing with Jesus. And it made me think about my time here on earth.

Passion for China

I know a 5 year old little boy named, Drew. I saw his family yesterday when I visited Detroit. You ask him what he wants to be when he grows up and he says, "A missionary to China!" Every night he prays for these missionaries who are being persecuted in China. He prays for the "emperor" of China every night to become a Christian. Every chance he gets he asks his mom to go to Blockbuster to get movies about China. This little boy was adopted from Russia 3 years ago by this family - who I look at as a kind of second family to me. I wonder where he would be if he was still in an orphanage in Russia. Would he have that conviction (as a 5 year old) to go to China?

This inspires me so much because ever since I was a little girl I have always wanted to go to China to love the orphans there. This summer I finally get to go. I think it was a dream I had kind of laid aside for a while because I had tried a few different times to go and things never worked out. When I found BMH online and they were just saying "COME" I was like, what? And I registered to go right then and there even though they were full swing in the middle of summer camps and I would have to wait untill 09. Almost every worship service I'm at lately I am drawn to tears out of thankfulness to God that I am finally getting to go to China and out of a broken heart for all the children there hurting. My hearts breaks even now and just wanting to be there and holding them and letting them know that I love them and the reason I love them so much is because Jesus loves them. They maybe can't comprehend it all but just playing with them and taking care of their practical needs in a small way... I am already prepping my heart for having to leave them and hate the thought even now. I just love them so much and my heart is so passionate for those orphans!

Live

Ezekiel 16:6

Then I passed by you and saw you kicking about in your own blood and as you lay there in your blood I said to you, "Live!"

Gabby

Our cousins came over tonight to celebrate my Nana's 71st birthday. My youngest cousin, Gabrielle (aka Gabby) and I have always been really close. But tonight she got me thinking about some stuff... She is probably the BIGGEST snuggle bug in the whole world, every second she wants to be in your lap with your arms around her just absolutely snuggling! Lol... Just as an example tonight she was sitting in my lap while Nana was opening her presents and Nana came to do the rounds of thank yous and give us all kisses and I stood up for two seconds to kiss my Nana and Gabby said, "Ok back to snuggling now!"

Gabby is so affirmed in this and has always felt extreme love and affection in her home and life and school etc. But it breaks my heart tonight because I was thinking of all the Gabby's in this world who are taken advantage of and abused and who are orphans and who have that HUGE desire in their hearts to simply snuggle. All those beautiful girls who don't have daddy's who snuggle with them and let them know they are beautiful and loved and affirmed in Christ.

a sarah grace psalm for the day

As I step into that place
Of complete and utter surrender
When I come before you
Without a protective hand to hinder
With arms open wide
Ready to embrace what you may say
Without a shield up
To block Your burning fire

O, Lord that you would refine me
No matter what the cost
Burn away myself
And let me not shun from the pain
For whatever the cost it's worth it
To be refined by You
Burn away my fleshly passions
Til You alone are standing true

Free to Dance

Last night, God blessed me so much by allowing me to dance for part of a worship night for an organization called CURE International. (http://www.cureinternational.org/)

They had two of their doctors in town from Kenya and so my friend Kyle put together a worship/info night about what Cure is doing. They basically perform surgeries for children around the world who couldn't afford it. Another really cool part about what they do is they train people in those countries to become surgeons etc.

Before I danced they played a video about one little boy who had recieved surgery to cure his severly bow legs, and how he struggled simply to walk before this surgery and it had a clip of him running at the end. It really impacted me because I think my biggest fear is having something happen to me that would prevent me from dancing.

As I was dancing tears were flowing and I have never been more thankful when I was dancing to simply be able to dance with God and just how much it means to my heart, soul and mind to be able to dance. Thank you, GOD for allowing me to have such an intimate connection to you through my dancing and that You allow me to be able to dance before You with freedom and love.

Hurting for the Broken

Last night at dance my friend Kaitlyn read a note that she had written on facebook about hurt, healing and hope (http://www.new.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=27630863050) and we were talking about it and were just really broken together about some hurting friends. As we were crying it just made me wonder that if we as human beings can feel such hurt for someone else, how much does it hurt God when His children are broken and hurting? There are some things you just can't wrap your mind around but I know that if my heart breaks over people and their pain how much more so is that true for God?

One of my favorite lines from a Bethany Dillon song is:
"I cannot believe You are angry or unjust, You have done nothing but have compassion on us."

God, break our hearts for what breaks Your heart and give us the courage to dive into other people's pain like you are willing to do everyday and not walk away. Help us to being willing to really go there, just like Elisha did with the Shunamite woman's son. He went in and shut the door and was willing to literally lie on top of him and breathe life into him. (2 Kings, 4:8-37) Are we really willing to go to that place and feeling what God feels for that person, even that person that is "unlovable" and the least of these?

I think it's really easy to walk away from people's pain. We all have pain in our life and sometimes we want to stay in our pain and have people come to us and understand what we're going through and love us. I know there are times for that but we need to be the ones willing to not wallow in our self-pity or selfishness and be willing to step beyond our pain and go to that hard place with others. Let Jesus heal your heart and work through your pain and not sit there comfortable in your pain but go beyond it and let it teach you what God wants to teach you so you can go about what God has called us all to do. Love your neighbor as yourself.

Love like crazy.

No Presuppositions.

I was just wondering earlier what it would be like for someone to open the Bible and completely un-biasedly read it and follow everything in it that God tells us. What would that look like?

It seems like everyone has opinions and interpretations on what God says in the Bible. I have gone to so many different types of churches and have so many friends who believe different things within them all believing in God and His Son.

It would just be interessting to see someone living out what is in the Bible who has absolutely no presuppositions about what something meant in the Bible. We have soooo many philosophies even just about church it's rediculous almost. I understand it because we all have minds to think but it's just hard sometimes to know if you are looking at someting objectively that is a "gray area" or if you without even realizing it are putting on your own presuppositions.

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way, walk in it.' "~Isaiah 30:21~

Update

My friend, Chris is doing better... He so far has been able to keep the leg. He's gone through many surgeries and will have a long road ahead if he wants to be able to walk, but He is one of the most determined and energetic guys that I know - so I'm sure with God's help he will be able to walk and do all his normal stuff again. :)

Chris

Please pray for my friend Chris - he was in a really bad motorcycle accident yesterday and basically his left arm and leg are both shattered right now and he may lose his left leg.

A 10 Year Old's Encouragement

We had our second dance night with the younger girls group - (1o -14 year olds) and we were talking about stepping out and trusting God more.

One of the girls who is 12 was saying that sometimes it was hard for her to trust God because she will pray about something (like healing her uncle from cancer) and it doesn't happen and it makes it hard to trust God sometimes.

Then another little 10 year old girl says, "Well I used to pray for certain things and ask God why He didn't answer those prayers and then I realized that He usually did answer those prayers just sometimes I would pray things that weren't in His will. Or maybe He would answer them differently than I expected - but He still answers them and hears them."

A ten year old understanding this concept and encouraging another little girl that way was so beautiful.

Whirling

There's a Hebrew word called "Macowl" (spell?) that means to whirl or spin. It is used in alot of the passages in the Old Testament particularly in the Psalms whenever it talks about dancing in praise of God. I like it. That word has meant alot to me for many reasons..

This summer has been a whirl-wind but what I love is that I have been whirling with God. Through all the hecticness (6 cross country road-trips anyone?) of this summer I have had that underlying peace of knowing that I am whirling with God. Maybe a little crazy concept but so true.

There are so many stories from this summer - I can't begin to start writing them all. Starting out with a road trip to Miami, heading up an Inner-City Fine Arts camp for a week, travelling up to MI to work on a horse ranch for a week with amazing people, teaching another ballet camp, travelling to CO for a week of camp, my dad's surgeries and all the complications and scariness of that, trying to figure out whether or not we would stay in Miami or go back to MI, and trying to pack and move and finally leave a day early because of a hurricane - my life has been insane this summer. I have met wonderful people - deepened relationships with old friends and God has been teaching me so much about whirling with Him no matter what.

It was harder leaving Miami than I thought it would be - saying goodbye is never easy so I don't know why I thought it would be this time. My heart is sad missing beautiful people there - but I know that God has me in MI again for a reason and I am very excited about everything here too.. very mixed emotions. Whirling. That is my word.

Colorado 2008

Crooked Creek was amazing...

since a picture's worth a thousand words...

80's work-out girls!

that's me! (we definitely had a massive whip cream fight later!)

some of us on top of the mountain

our whole cabin on top of the mountain..

Ballet Camp

Ballet Camp Pics :)

I'm off to Colorado for a week of camp.. :D I'm so excited and cannot wait to see what the Lord has for us all there. A lady who is on the prayer team is somewhat of a mentor to me and she Emailed me this morning and was just saying how she cannot wait to see what the Lord has to teach every one of us. :) Amen...

Imagery from Romans 8

Some poetical-ish thoughts after reading Romands 8:18-27

All creation is groaning
It was made to be whole
Not experiencing decay
Or blood spilled on it's ground

It was made to be alive
Not choked by sin and destruction
It's groans resonate inside
Waiting for redemption one final time

Our spirits deep inside
Groaning for true life
Longings unfulfilled must mean
We're made for another life

Groanings un-explained
Waiting for that day
Intercede when our groans become too much
And remind us You're coming to redeem, restore and to save!

Group

Last night we went to group and it was so wonderful. There was a brother and sister there and a few months ago the brother who just graduated from high school became a Christian. He had been doing drugs and supplying them and you could just see such a huge difference in Him. He was talking about his parents and how they're catholic and some of the conversations he's had with them since he became a Christian. You could see the transformation and the true love just bubbling out of him. Then a few weeks back he brought his sister to group and you could just see the hunger on her face for Christ and really listening to everything being shared and said. Then yesterday she came again to group and with this face just absolutely shining shared with the whole group that two weeks ago she accepted Christ after group with her brother in the car on the way home. It was beautiful. Last night they were praying for eachother and thanking the Lord that they had eachother to talk to and asking the Lord to protect eachother and it was sooo beautiful. Just the joy and the transformation inside of them both is SO obvious. :)

Another girl was born in Pakistan and grew up there and also Muslim. Last year at group she became a Christian and if she goes home she will probably be killed. All of her family over there are muslims. It's crazy hearing her talk. She has a room-mate now who is Hindu and has all the idols in their room and Sai was talking about how literaly you could feel the spiritual warfare and that she has just been praying. Well, last night her room-mate and another Hindu came to group with Sai. They didn't really say anything but the girl told Bri (one of the leaders) that she would be back next week and she loved it.

It is just so cool to see the diversity culterally and all the different stories and the meshing of brand-new believers and believer's who have believed for a long time and how we all challenge and encourage eachother and the deep love for Scriptures and just reading through it together and sharing all the different perspectives and insights and just WORSHIPING Christ. I love group so much and am so thankful. They are precious people and brothers and sisters. Beautiful.

the vision and the vow

so I'm reading the book "The Vision and the Vow" by Pete Greig currently.. amazing stuff!

"Their DNA chooses Jesus

(He breathes out - they breathe in)

Their subconscious sings

They had a blood transfusion with Jesus"

Be Near Me

"I cannot believe You are angry or unjust
You have done nothing but have compassion on us
And be near when I have given up, be near me!"
~Bethany Dillon~


That whole song is amazing.. "Be Near Me" I have listened to it on repeat alot the past few days.


I love how when we "know what's going on" or when "we figure God out" that He can just cause a "tornado" to go off and remind you that you can NEVER figure Him out but that you can always trust Him. I feel like I have let go in a new way this week-end and that I have finaly realized that I cannot figure God out. (duh) I know that but I was reminded of that this week-end. I like it. And I absolutely love that even though I cannot "figure Him out" that I can TRUST Him with my whole heart. :D

You never know what a day will bring.

Lately I've been looking at people through my eyes. Jesus has been teaching me about looking at people through HIS eyes which are full of hope and see people how they are supposed to be. I see people and just get filled with doubt but that's NOT my job. I need to be seeing them how Jesus sees them and that is whole - not broken- completely free to worship HIM! I hate that I can be so cynical sometimes...


"Is it alright if I stay here all night.. by the shoreline.."
~Bethany Dillon~

Secrets

“Secrets”
6/18/2008

It started out as something so small
A neglected heart at the edge of the crowd
What draw the crowd has – one may never know
But she stands at the edge –feeling alone and left out

There is a war going on much deeper than she knows
It started almost before time
So how can she fight if she doesn’t know?
The war for a soul – defenseless and standing at the edge of the crowd

What secrets held inside?
Secrets that are meant to be shared
Secrets that stay inside only bind you in fear
The voices that no one hears but scream at you at night
They hold you alone and keep you at the edge of the crowd

That’s part of the war that started before time
The battle for a soul – Satan has no right
He stretches out the tentacles that keep you locked up in fear
Freedom seems impossible
Secrets are what bind you in fear

The father of lies is the father of secrets
When you hold them inside the secrets control you
Not only the secrets but the father of secrets
Each secret a tentacle –keeping you from your freedom

Each secret a chain and lock that must be opened
To be able to trust and to gain your freedom
You can’t hold these secrets they don’t belong to you
You were bought at a price before you even know what love was

The chains held by the father of secrets
That keep your soul locked and bound
Can be opened and freed – you must trust and get rid of these secrets

Secrets held in the dark will only tie you down
You must shed light on them
Though your eyes squint and you shudder from what used to hold you down

The light will expose the dark secrets and the darkness will flee
When you trust and share the secret
Only then can you be free

Like a child...

God loves children. I kinda like them myself. :D I was in a restraunt the other day and there was this adorable little boy. The waitress brought him out a balloon and his eyes just lit up! I love seeing children re-act to things around them. What makes them smile and laugh for joy. Where does that come from? How does a baby know to cry when he's unhappy or needs something. Children are SO precious. They are the closest thing to how God intended us to be.

I had a conversation with my "sister" Abby the other day about how we expect children to grow up so fast and cut down their dreams and imagination like it means nothing. Why are we not protecting them and nurturing them? Their dreams and innocence is the most precious gift they posess and we treat it like it doesn't matter.

Luke 10:21

At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, "I praise you, Father, because you have hidden these things from the wise and revealed them to little children."

Luke 18:16-17

Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

Michael Card wrote a song about his son Will called, "The Sunrise of Your Smile." It is beautiful..

Reject the wordly lie that says,

That life lies always up ahead,

Let power go beofre control becomes a crust around your soul,

Escape the hunger to posess,

And soul-diminishing sucsess,

This world is full of narrow lives,

I pray by grace your smile survives.

For I would wander weary miles,

Would welcome ridicule, my child,

To simply see the sunrise of your smile,

To see the light behind your eyes,
The happy thought that makes you fly,

Yes, I would wander weary miles,

To simply see the sunrise of your smile.

Now close your eyes so you can see,

Your own unfinished memories,

Now open them, for time is breif,

And you'll be blest beyond belief,

Now glance above you at the sky,

There's beauty there to blind the eye,
I ask all this then wait awhile,
To see the dawning of your smile.

Butterfly Effect

"There are no words that we can say to explain why we feel this way; though we try only God knows who we are when we change from catepillars to butterflies"
~Hana~

So me and this girl ^ and another girl had the most divine time last night... God did some pretty HUGE things and it was just amazing.. enough said! I told them about my special love of butterflies and the symbolism to me. Hana then wrote that up there about it..

Family is SO important.
When you merely omit something that is also a lie.

When you omit things to your family (not telling them what's going on in your life) you are in actuality feeding lies. There is no where for truth to grow then. Some of the happiest people I know are the people who do not have to hide anything. They tell their families everything. Growing up, I had a "no-secrets" policy with my family -which freed me UP! I never had to wonder if they would find out about something. If I didn't tell them something right away, my parents were pretty good about figuring out if I was hiding something so I would always end up telling anyways. Read the last chapter in Malachi... here's a part:

Malachi 4:6
He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children
and the hearts of the children to their fathers
or else I will come and strike the land with a curse.

God did not create families for no reason. Part of living free and full is having that relationship with your family and not hiding things from eachother. The people (peer-wise) that I hands down respect the most have this same "no-secrets" policy with their families and respect and love for them. It's amazing how God uses what He created for freedom and full life and life abundantly in Him!

Rest

"Though I sleep my heart is awake - thought it's night on You I'll wait!"
~Misty Edwards~


"I slept but my heart was awake."

Song of Solomon 5:2


I was talking to a friend the other day and he was saying how even though our physical bodies sleep and get tired our spirits don't. Our spirits don't need sleep. God can still communicate with us through dreams and even while we're sleeping. Sometimes I wake up with a person just on my heart and I know that I need to pray for them for whatever reason. Our spirits don't ever get tired. If people are nervous they can't always go to sleep and even when they do it can be full of dreams about something coming up and their spirit doesn't shut-off just because their physical body gets tired.

"Because nothing makes sense to a particle in motion, you've gotta slow down because the world just won't!"
~Matt Elmore~

"Let us be silent that we may hear the whisper of God"
~Ralph Waldo Emerson~



Me and my sister snuggling together when we were little cuties! :-)

My Burden, You Lift!

This is really old - but I found it today and I was comforted by it and reminded of some cool lessons God taught me then... :)

"My Burden, You Lift"

11/11/04

I feel suffocated and pressured
It's hard to breath, hard to move
It's a mountain that is weighing me down

Does everyone feel this way deep inside?
Supressed and feeling the need to die?

When you hung on that cross
Did my burden hurt you?
Is that what it means when they say,
"the weight of the world was on Your shoulders?

I imagine my burden
How it weighs me down
And I think of countless others
Who are hurting and being weighed down

How many of us casting it all on you
Our burdens in reality our sins
Were all thrown upon you

I know what it felt like to carry it
Horrible, painful, and hard
Untill I died and gave it away
My heart leaped and I was free
Never to be supressed or dragged down

I think of how much harder for you
Carrying all our burdens in that cross
My own burden plus thousands more
Made you fall to the ground

You died a death I should have died
You took my burden away
And when you came back to life
Your joy no words could say

I know how light and free I felt
Giving away my burden to you
But you had mine and thousands more
To relinquish and be freed from

I can't imagine the joy in your heart
Being free of the weight of the world
We all should have carried those burdens
But by your grace alone
We can cast them out

Do I feel what God feels?

Is God being impacted by this situation?

And if God is being impacted am I also being impacted?

If God is being impacted by this situation and I am not being impacted what is preventing me from being impacted?

Because if God feels and cares about this situation and I do not, what has become numb in my soul that is preventing me from being impacted by this situation that God feels and is impacted by?

When World's Collide

When World’s Collide
1/6/08

A tiny baby born to un-suspecting parents
Two people aged and changed by the world
One person not yet touched by time and charm
These worlds collide

A shriveled woman on the Indian streets
A girl raised in America, always enough to eat
She's always starved for lack of food
She's starved because she's not "beautiful" enough
These world's collide

A child raised in a loving home
An old man, fought in the war of old
The child gives life and love out of an overflowing heart
Memories of old, how they haunt his soul
These world's collide

A woman diagnosed with cancer
A little girl fighting for her life
The woman gives up and wants to die
The little girl sees each day as a gift to love and try
These world's collide

A city boy raised in the hustle and bustle
A country boy raised by nature itself
The city teaching what are we doing without?
The nature teaching the beauty in what's given us
These world's collide

A baby raised in heaven above
A virgin mother to hold the child
An earthly father accused of sin
A heavenly Father holding them all
These world's collide

An innocent man on the cross
The theif next to him eternally lost
But he believed in His innocent blood
His innocence the greatest act of love
These world's collide

How is it when world's collide
That it can make such waves in your life?
Or rather how could it not make waves
The choice is yours
When worlds collide

Encouragement.

So lately God has blessed me with some huge encouragement that I didn't even realize I needed untill I received it. But I think that's how God works - He knows what we need better than even we do ourselves!

I had a friend call me to check in with me about how I am really doing. The words shared were so life-giving and I felt so loved and didn't even realize how much I needed to hear that. This friend not only encouraged but also challenged me in a few areas that I needed to be challenged in. Not that I hadn't been challenged before but it was a good reminder.

I had another friend send me a big passage of Scripture out of Phillipians to simply encourage me. It spoke to my heart and came at a time where I needed to hear that truth more than anything.

Another huge one has been my sister. I feel like she is my armor-bearer. She is right there with me through-out any trial and beyond that she is there. But when I say she is there it's more than a simple like listening or praying. You can be there without really being "there" if you know what I mean. When she is there for me boy is she there for me. It's an amazing gift that I feel so blessed to have.

God's Tears

Yesterday I was really struck with some reminders about God's love for us. It is quite honestly hard to put into words. Really words don't do certain things any sort of justice. I think that's why I dance - because I feel things so deeply. I can't express some of the deepest things in my heart any other way.

When a 14 year old little girl comes up to you thinking she is pregnant and so confused and asking why and how and all you can do is hug her and tell her that Jesus loves her and will get her through it, when her boyfriend is telling her to get an abortion, when another 17 year old girl just had a baby, when 12 year olds are struggling with eating disorders and self-hatred, when a 15 year old's mom has gotten shot by her then husband who ends up killing himself next to her mom and blaming her mom for it and her older sister tries to commit suicide and she feels like nothing is solid and is clinging to you and praying to Jesus to heal her family, when another girl says that every night she prays to God to change her family and help them stop drinking alcohol and abusing eachother and never sees a change and is struggling with doubt about whether God hear's her prayers and if He truly exists, when another girl is so beautiful and her boyfriend dumps her and then right in front of her starts making-out with another girl and her feelings of self-worth are zero, when a girl wants NOTHING more than her family to simply be a family and her mom struggles with depression, when a girl has an abortion because her dad abuses her untill she does, when another girl shares that she believes in God but isn't really sure about Jesus right now and also claims it's because she's walked away from it by her choice, when your close friend's marriage engagements are broken, when a girl cuts herself for relief from pain but in reality causing so much more pain, when girls are questioning their sexuality because they've had their heart broken by boys too many times to count, when a group of 14 year old's are smoking weed just to relax...

Doesn't it make your heart break? Doesn't it make you ask why? Sometimes I just have to weep... Really truly when girls tell me these things it breaks my heart. I know the answer to their questions but sometimes they have to learn for themselves. I can spoon-feed them what I know - that Jesus DOES hear their prayers and that He has a reason for everything He says in the Bible - not to make life miserable but free. God must cry, it must break His heart to see us everyday try to do things on our own and go against His will and perfect plans for our lives. He must cry.

We had our last Campus Life club last night - a group of us did a dance/skit to the song "This is How it Feels to Be Free!" and during part of it it was all I could do to not cry because I have been freed from my chains and even at the same time it is an everyday surrender too. I know I still cause God pain whenever I choose something that isn't in His will and yet I know of His DEEP love for me in my life and can respond to that love.

I know God cries. And I know that I have made Him cry which can break my heart when I think about it. But - that just makes me SO incredibly thankful for my relationship with Him and His deep, deep love for me. If He didn't cry, I wouldn't know that He loves me and yet He loves me and when I do something against Him and His will it will break His heart, which is how I know He loves me. God's love is soo powerful. Let me remember that each and every moment of the day...

some old writings...

“Remind me again, I’m just a child”
11/8/04

A beautiful little girl with big brown eyes
Lookin’ up at her daddy
She says, “Daddy, oh daddy, please let go of my hand! I’m a big girl now and I’m ready to stand!”
The loving Daddy looks at his precious girl, the apple of His eye
He knows exactly what will happen to her if he lets go of her hand
She will stand, maybe walk but pain she will receive
For she is yet a child in need of holding her daddy’s hand

He says, “Alright my daughter, I’ll let go of your hand, and if you fall down you can come back to me again.”

He didn’t want to let go, but you can’t hold on to something when it’s determined to let go
As her hand pulled away from His, she was happy but a while
She was happy in her freedom, as she tried her wings
But her happiness came to an end as she stumbled and fell
She realized that her wings weren’t ready to carry her
And she came crashing to the ground
She looked up and there was her daddy, with tears in His eyes
He did not scold her or say “I told you so” he merely cried
He held her closely in his arms, his tears running over her and cleaning off her wounds
He whispered in a shaky breath “My daughter, I love you”

Dear God, please remind me again, I’m just a child in your arms
I can’t go it alone, I need to hold on to your hand
When I let go, stop clinging and holding fast to you
I only give myself pain but worst of all I hurt you too
Remind me once again, I’m just a child in your arms
Remind me, Lord, I’m just a child, just a child

The little girl started walking, holding fast to her daddy’s hand
Som friends ran up to meet her and grab her by that hand
She looked up at her daddy, curious to see if He’d say, “no”
He only smiled at her and said “My daughter, I love you”

Her hand slipped out from His, caught up by a new group of friends
Once again she was happy for a while
Til the left her alone in a part of town she’d never been

As she lay brokenhearted, weeping and scared
Her daddy picked her up again, kissed her and told her He was there
He was weeping this time, much harder than before
Tears were flowing from his eyes still he did not blame or criticize
He whispered in that shaky breath “My daughter, I love you”

Dear God, please remind me again, I’m just a child in your arms
I can’t go it alone, I need to hold on to your hand
When I let go, stop clinging and holding fast to you
I only give myself pain but worst of all I hurt you too
Remind me once again, I’m just a child in your arms
Remind me, Lord, I’m just a child, just a child

The girl grows older, she is now a young woman
Facing the unknown and unsure of where to go
But this time she clings fast to her Father’s hand
Not letting go and now she’s never unsteady or unsure
People try to take her hand, but find that it’s held fast
Held fast by a love so great that they come to know it as well
Her daddy always holds her hand, showing her where she needs to go
Sometimes he needs to pull her, or gently nudge her where to go
Things aren’t always easy, but her hand it does not slip
It clings to her daddy’s hand and if necessary He picks her up

Dear God, please remind me again, I’m just a child in your arms
I can’t go it alone, I need to hold on to your hand
When I let go, stop clinging and holding fast to you
I only give myself pain but worst of all I hurt you too
Remind me once again, I’m just a child in your arms
Remind me, Lord, I’m just a child, just a child

The once little girl, has grown old now and grey
But she still clings to her daddy’s hand
She hasn’t turned away
Lately though she’s had to be carried most of the way
But her daddy’s arms are strong, but gentle kind and caring
He holds her close and still whispers “My daughter, I love you.”
She is the one who cries now, but He wipes away her tears
He promises that soon she will be out of her pain
But untill that day comes He carries her all the way
It finally is the day, she’s dreamed of since He first said “My daughter I love you”
He lets go of her hand as she slips away to sleep
Her wings unfold because they are finished and ready to be free
The fly her up to Jesus, she doesn’t stop she knows the way
She has been made a child again, pure and innocent in her daddy’s arms
Singing praises to her Daddy and dancing in His love

Dear God remind me again, I’m just a child in your arms
I can’t go it alone, I need to hold on to your hand
When I let go, stop clinging and holding fast to you
I only give myself pain but worst of all I hurt you too
Remind me once again, I’m just a child in your arms
Remind me, Lord, I’m just a child, just a child