Gracie was my buddy on week 2 of my time in China. She was the little girl that stole me and my translator, Cookie's hearts. She was the little girl that held us and sobbed with us about all the abuse that she has suffered as an 11 year old, showing us her scars. She was the little girl that danced with me every second we had free. She was the little girl who learned how to say "you are beautiful" so every single morning when we walked to breakfast she could take my face in both of her hands, look me in the eyes and say "you are beautiful." She was the little girl that walking in a crowd and feeling a little hand in mine, I would instantly know it was her.
Waking up Friday morning, goodbye day I always got that pit in the bottom of my stomach knowing the kids would be leaving. There would be this incredible ache. That Friday I hated getting up. I knew it was goodbye and the goodbye party which to me that day felt like a funeral in some ways. Reading the letters we had written for each other - how do you sum up in a single letter how incredibly beautiful and cherished and what this little girl means to you. Can you take enough pictures to capture your love for a lifetime with someone you will never see again on this side.
But I remember having this beautiful conversation with my sweet Gracie (with the WONDERFUL help of my amazing translator Cookie) and hearing God so clearly saying, "She is mine..." I can see the fingerprints of God on that little girl. I trust that God is going to do a great work in Gracie's heart and that He will fulfill what H
e has started in her. I pray for Gracie. She is beautiful and precious, and she is His.
I remember the heartbreak of getting on to the van to take her back to her school. I have never experienced that before but would go through it countless times again if God wants. Her clinging to me sobbing saying "I love you, Wo ai ni" over and over... Sobbing. Shaking. Holding hands to the end not wanting to let go... when that bus pulled away and having to sing "Beautiful day..." it truly was a beautiful day but it didn't feel like that at the time.
Right after Gracie left, hearing the news that Baby Brynn was being taken away and placed in another family (the Hedden's baby girl who were in charge of our Kunming camps) and knowing that she was being taken away. A fight we had all battled for in prayer and broken-ness and heart-felt crys to Jesus to not let this happen.
It left you so full of despair and broken-ness I had not yet felt to that depth. The type of broken-ness that leads you to almost scream at the Lord... "WHY!" I have never felt that before... I wept and cried and could barely talk to Jesus because of the intensity of the broken-ness but knowing He alone could handle this.. and knowing He was handling the whole world's broken-ness not just what we were feeling in Kunming at that moment - is mind-blowing.
I told the Lord I wanted that month in July to be for Him and to teach me what it means to love more than I currently was capable of understanding love in my current place and He sent me to China - the place where the children have been on my heart since I was about 7 years old... And oh did He teach me about love. He taught me that true-love is heart breaking. And how MUCH his heart constantly breaks over us, His children. If my heart could break so much over one little girl, Gracie yet How He Loves us and how much deeper He loves us than we could ever even start to feel, how heart-breaking and wonderful and beautiful.
I did not want to let Gracie go - it broke my heart. It breaks my heart to this day - I think about her everyday. God thank you for teaching me more about love, for breaking my heart. True love - like how Jesus loves us - sacrificial love. On the day that Gracie left...
