Yesterday I was really struck with some reminders about God's love for us. It is quite honestly hard to put into words. Really words don't do certain things any sort of justice. I think that's why I dance - because I feel things so deeply. I can't express some of the deepest things in my heart any other way.
When a 14 year old little girl comes up to you thinking she is pregnant and so confused and asking why and how and all you can do is hug her and tell her that Jesus loves her and will get her through it, when her boyfriend is telling her to get an abortion, when another 17 year old girl just had a baby, when 12 year olds are struggling with eating disorders and self-hatred, when a 15 year old's mom has gotten shot by her then husband who ends up killing himself next to her mom and blaming her mom for it and her older sister tries to commit suicide and she feels like nothing is solid and is clinging to you and praying to Jesus to heal her family, when another girl says that every night she prays to God to change her family and help them stop drinking alcohol and abusing eachother and never sees a change and is struggling with doubt about whether God hear's her prayers and if He truly exists, when another girl is so beautiful and her boyfriend dumps her and then right in front of her starts making-out with another girl and her feelings of self-worth are zero, when a girl wants NOTHING more than her family to simply be a family and her mom struggles with depression, when a girl has an abortion because her dad abuses her untill she does, when another girl shares that she believes in God but isn't really sure about Jesus right now and also claims it's because she's walked away from it by her choice, when your close friend's marriage engagements are broken, when a girl cuts herself for relief from pain but in reality causing so much more pain, when girls are questioning their sexuality because they've had their heart broken by boys too many times to count, when a group of 14 year old's are smoking weed just to relax...
Doesn't it make your heart break? Doesn't it make you ask why? Sometimes I just have to weep... Really truly when girls tell me these things it breaks my heart. I know the answer to their questions but sometimes they have to learn for themselves. I can spoon-feed them what I know - that Jesus DOES hear their prayers and that He has a reason for everything He says in the Bible - not to make life miserable but free. God must cry, it must break His heart to see us everyday try to do things on our own and go against His will and perfect plans for our lives. He must cry.
We had our last Campus Life club last night - a group of us did a dance/skit to the song "This is How it Feels to Be Free!" and during part of it it was all I could do to not cry because I have been freed from my chains and even at the same time it is an everyday surrender too. I know I still cause God pain whenever I choose something that isn't in His will and yet I know of His DEEP love for me in my life and can respond to that love.
I know God cries. And I know that I have made Him cry which can break my heart when I think about it. But - that just makes me SO incredibly thankful for my relationship with Him and His deep, deep love for me. If He didn't cry, I wouldn't know that He loves me and yet He loves me and when I do something against Him and His will it will break His heart, which is how I know He loves me. God's love is soo powerful. Let me remember that each and every moment of the day...
April 29, 2008
April 15, 2008
some old writings...
“Remind me again, I’m just a child”
11/8/04
A beautiful little girl with big brown eyes
Lookin’ up at her daddy
She says, “Daddy, oh daddy, please let go of my hand! I’m a big girl now and I’m ready to stand!”
The loving Daddy looks at his precious girl, the apple of His eye
He knows exactly what will happen to her if he lets go of her hand
She will stand, maybe walk but pain she will receive
For she is yet a child in need of holding her daddy’s hand
He says, “Alright my daughter, I’ll let go of your hand, and if you fall down you can come back to me again.”
He didn’t want to let go, but you can’t hold on to something when it’s determined to let go
As her hand pulled away from His, she was happy but a while
She was happy in her freedom, as she tried her wings
But her happiness came to an end as she stumbled and fell
She realized that her wings weren’t ready to carry her
And she came crashing to the ground
She looked up and there was her daddy, with tears in His eyes
He did not scold her or say “I told you so” he merely cried
He held her closely in his arms, his tears running over her and cleaning off her wounds
He whispered in a shaky breath “My daughter, I love you”
Dear God, please remind me again, I’m just a child in your arms
I can’t go it alone, I need to hold on to your hand
When I let go, stop clinging and holding fast to you
I only give myself pain but worst of all I hurt you too
Remind me once again, I’m just a child in your arms
Remind me, Lord, I’m just a child, just a child
The little girl started walking, holding fast to her daddy’s hand
Som friends ran up to meet her and grab her by that hand
She looked up at her daddy, curious to see if He’d say, “no”
He only smiled at her and said “My daughter, I love you”
Her hand slipped out from His, caught up by a new group of friends
Once again she was happy for a while
Til the left her alone in a part of town she’d never been
As she lay brokenhearted, weeping and scared
Her daddy picked her up again, kissed her and told her He was there
He was weeping this time, much harder than before
Tears were flowing from his eyes still he did not blame or criticize
He whispered in that shaky breath “My daughter, I love you”
Dear God, please remind me again, I’m just a child in your arms
I can’t go it alone, I need to hold on to your hand
When I let go, stop clinging and holding fast to you
I only give myself pain but worst of all I hurt you too
Remind me once again, I’m just a child in your arms
Remind me, Lord, I’m just a child, just a child
The girl grows older, she is now a young woman
Facing the unknown and unsure of where to go
But this time she clings fast to her Father’s hand
Not letting go and now she’s never unsteady or unsure
People try to take her hand, but find that it’s held fast
Held fast by a love so great that they come to know it as well
Her daddy always holds her hand, showing her where she needs to go
Sometimes he needs to pull her, or gently nudge her where to go
Things aren’t always easy, but her hand it does not slip
It clings to her daddy’s hand and if necessary He picks her up
Dear God, please remind me again, I’m just a child in your arms
I can’t go it alone, I need to hold on to your hand
When I let go, stop clinging and holding fast to you
I only give myself pain but worst of all I hurt you too
Remind me once again, I’m just a child in your arms
Remind me, Lord, I’m just a child, just a child
The once little girl, has grown old now and grey
But she still clings to her daddy’s hand
She hasn’t turned away
Lately though she’s had to be carried most of the way
But her daddy’s arms are strong, but gentle kind and caring
He holds her close and still whispers “My daughter, I love you.”
She is the one who cries now, but He wipes away her tears
He promises that soon she will be out of her pain
But untill that day comes He carries her all the way
It finally is the day, she’s dreamed of since He first said “My daughter I love you”
He lets go of her hand as she slips away to sleep
Her wings unfold because they are finished and ready to be free
The fly her up to Jesus, she doesn’t stop she knows the way
She has been made a child again, pure and innocent in her daddy’s arms
Singing praises to her Daddy and dancing in His love
Dear God remind me again, I’m just a child in your arms
I can’t go it alone, I need to hold on to your hand
When I let go, stop clinging and holding fast to you
I only give myself pain but worst of all I hurt you too
Remind me once again, I’m just a child in your arms
Remind me, Lord, I’m just a child, just a child
11/8/04
A beautiful little girl with big brown eyes
Lookin’ up at her daddy
She says, “Daddy, oh daddy, please let go of my hand! I’m a big girl now and I’m ready to stand!”
The loving Daddy looks at his precious girl, the apple of His eye
He knows exactly what will happen to her if he lets go of her hand
She will stand, maybe walk but pain she will receive
For she is yet a child in need of holding her daddy’s hand
He says, “Alright my daughter, I’ll let go of your hand, and if you fall down you can come back to me again.”
He didn’t want to let go, but you can’t hold on to something when it’s determined to let go
As her hand pulled away from His, she was happy but a while
She was happy in her freedom, as she tried her wings
But her happiness came to an end as she stumbled and fell
She realized that her wings weren’t ready to carry her
And she came crashing to the ground
She looked up and there was her daddy, with tears in His eyes
He did not scold her or say “I told you so” he merely cried
He held her closely in his arms, his tears running over her and cleaning off her wounds
He whispered in a shaky breath “My daughter, I love you”
Dear God, please remind me again, I’m just a child in your arms
I can’t go it alone, I need to hold on to your hand
When I let go, stop clinging and holding fast to you
I only give myself pain but worst of all I hurt you too
Remind me once again, I’m just a child in your arms
Remind me, Lord, I’m just a child, just a child
The little girl started walking, holding fast to her daddy’s hand
Som friends ran up to meet her and grab her by that hand
She looked up at her daddy, curious to see if He’d say, “no”
He only smiled at her and said “My daughter, I love you”
Her hand slipped out from His, caught up by a new group of friends
Once again she was happy for a while
Til the left her alone in a part of town she’d never been
As she lay brokenhearted, weeping and scared
Her daddy picked her up again, kissed her and told her He was there
He was weeping this time, much harder than before
Tears were flowing from his eyes still he did not blame or criticize
He whispered in that shaky breath “My daughter, I love you”
Dear God, please remind me again, I’m just a child in your arms
I can’t go it alone, I need to hold on to your hand
When I let go, stop clinging and holding fast to you
I only give myself pain but worst of all I hurt you too
Remind me once again, I’m just a child in your arms
Remind me, Lord, I’m just a child, just a child
The girl grows older, she is now a young woman
Facing the unknown and unsure of where to go
But this time she clings fast to her Father’s hand
Not letting go and now she’s never unsteady or unsure
People try to take her hand, but find that it’s held fast
Held fast by a love so great that they come to know it as well
Her daddy always holds her hand, showing her where she needs to go
Sometimes he needs to pull her, or gently nudge her where to go
Things aren’t always easy, but her hand it does not slip
It clings to her daddy’s hand and if necessary He picks her up
Dear God, please remind me again, I’m just a child in your arms
I can’t go it alone, I need to hold on to your hand
When I let go, stop clinging and holding fast to you
I only give myself pain but worst of all I hurt you too
Remind me once again, I’m just a child in your arms
Remind me, Lord, I’m just a child, just a child
The once little girl, has grown old now and grey
But she still clings to her daddy’s hand
She hasn’t turned away
Lately though she’s had to be carried most of the way
But her daddy’s arms are strong, but gentle kind and caring
He holds her close and still whispers “My daughter, I love you.”
She is the one who cries now, but He wipes away her tears
He promises that soon she will be out of her pain
But untill that day comes He carries her all the way
It finally is the day, she’s dreamed of since He first said “My daughter I love you”
He lets go of her hand as she slips away to sleep
Her wings unfold because they are finished and ready to be free
The fly her up to Jesus, she doesn’t stop she knows the way
She has been made a child again, pure and innocent in her daddy’s arms
Singing praises to her Daddy and dancing in His love
Dear God remind me again, I’m just a child in your arms
I can’t go it alone, I need to hold on to your hand
When I let go, stop clinging and holding fast to you
I only give myself pain but worst of all I hurt you too
Remind me once again, I’m just a child in your arms
Remind me, Lord, I’m just a child, just a child
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