love.

why is it so easy for us to love some people.
harder to love others (at least fully from our hearts)
and yet even HARDER to let Christ fully love us.

i have been realizing lately what a grinch i am when it comes to letting myself be loved by God and Jesus. like really understanding and being excited about their love for me. how they adore me - their creation, sister, daughter and friend. how they long to spend time with me and hear my heart and walk and enjoy things with them.

i think if i stopped and let Jesus love my heart instead of block His love He wants to shower me with it'd be alot easier to love those people it can be hard to love at times. and it'd make our love for people easy to love even MORE full. Christ's love does that.. sooo powerful. and...

it casts out all fear.
fills you with joy.
covers you with forgiveness for yourself and others.
peace that passes understanding.
patience in trials.
kindness and goodness.
kindles faithfulness in all things.
controls yourself in out of control situations.
brings gentleness to wrath.



i set the fire-alarms off in our house today. :)

blizzard thots.

When you end up inside for a few days you have alot of time to think. And wow, has God been moving my heart lately!

The school year has started strong for me - I am teaching 6 classes for Hearts in Step this year. 5 of those 6 classes are 3-5 year old age classes and I LOVE them! Some classic quotes so far this year have been:

"And God, help my grandma's bad breath to go away..."

(after a little girl finishes twirling across the floor.."
"Whoah.... I'm SOOOO busy!"

But then there is also the really precious comments made by students. I had been sick one weekend and hadn't slept well and then Sunday night I ended up sleeping great for the first time. Well, I arrive at my Monday morning class to have one of my little angels inform me that she prayed for me last night, and she prayed I would sleep good! :) What a blessing knowing children are praying and God ANSWERS those prayers! We can learn about prayer (and so much more) from children. I think it's partly why I love them so much - I never want to stop having that child-like faith in Jesus!

Narnia

It has been quite a while since I've gotten on here! It's been such an incredible season month or so. Let me try to sum up with words and pictures! :)

I completed and performed in my first full length ballet I choreographed, "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe." It was an incredible time. Let me tell you I lived, breathed, slept, ate, everything Narnia for a few weeks leading up to that day. It was amazing and after it was done, I just felt like God had just taught me so much and provided. I think that was the key theme for that event was God's provision. Everything from randomly driving out of my neighborhood and finding the "wardrobe" one day to the facility being basically given to us for free, a ton of costumes randomly given us a few weeks before the show, Kelsey writing a few songs that went precisely with the different parts of the ballet. (She wrote a song from the trees perspective and all the girls in the chorus of Narnia were trees for half the ballet.. what?!) :) Even just providing the right dancers and behind the scenes crew. It was amazing! Really the Lord worked through prayer. I remember one rehearsal where we were going to choreograph the Stone Table scene and I was anticipating it taking at least an entire rehearsal. This was to me the most climactic point of the ballet because it is a depecition of what Christ did on the cross. We all gathered before we started rehearsing it and literally that scene came together in 5 minutes. This whole production was SO focused on prayer... I remember some rehearsals we spent literaly an hour to an hour and half praying over details and it was awesome seeing the Lord answering specific prayers and unifiying our hearts through the Holy Spirit. What a joy to be a part of such an incredible thing! So many people donated so much so that we could give everything to Open Arms for Asia - an incredible ministry to the children in India! Ahh.. Praise the Lord! Here are my favorite shots from this production...

I loved every part of Narnia and will hopefully be able to do it again sometime in the next few years... God knows when I will enter into the world of Narnia again but I have a feeling that just like in the books it will happen when I least expect it. Untill then it holds dear memories in my heart. :)

Easter

I have an amazing awesome, crazy family! This was my mom's idea!

Make s'mores with peeps! (It was disgusting by the way.... but very funny!)

And then my lovely sister and I enjoyed taking pictures out at my grandparents...

Sunday Afternoon Ramblings

"Man's true freedom does not consist of the unfettered power to direct his life...it lies in life with God, lived as it was originally intended by God for man. He only gains this as he denies himself." Brown

^ I love that quote. ^

God has been speaking to me about beauty alot lately (obvious from post below). What is beauty - the power it has on us in our lives - the lie that it is etc. So I decided to wear little or no make-up lately. I don't know how long this will go for but it's been such an awesome learning thing. I have never been a huge make-up person so it hasn't been too hard but I do wear a little bit pretty consistently. The other day I was in the mall and I was walking by all these girls who were dressed "perfectly" and had "perfect" hair and make-up and it was really eating at me. I was feeling so less than. And then I was thinking about it and why it was impacting me in the way that it was. I have Jesus in my life who is ALL beauty and these girls were so perfectly dressed and in some ways living their lives for the make-up clothes and "perfectness." And it was making me feel less than. How does that work?? I have Jesus inside me and that is where the beauty matters and yet the power that the lie of beauty has is so powerful that it was making me feel that insecurity etc. I was really impacted by how that works... It's so backwards. Lies are so scary like that. They twist things so easily. Then I just got burdened to pray for them and that they would feel their beauty where it matters most which is from Jesus and that that would be their source of peace and not in their outter appearance. I just don't want those kind of lies to eat at my time - it is so useless and self-focusing which is gross. Self-focus is Satan's way of stealing us little by little.

Jesus' beauty is so un-comparable.

Beauty is a lie

So I was told that ^ the other day and really started thinking about it. Beauty is such a lie. I've been challenged lately also about the fact that to me make-up can be such a crutch. I guess not like it can be to some girls - like I don't HAVE to wear it but I do rely on it for how I feel about myself too much.

Last night I was reading on Leslie Ludy's blog about self-esteem and how all these Christian ministries are promoting girls having self-esteem and being comfortable in your own skin and how that really is SO backward for what Jesus did. He must increase and I must decrease. But self-esteem can be such a lie because you can only feel good about yourself for so long because we make mistakes and should not be self reliant for our happiness. The only thing good in me is Christ... so being confident in Sarah Grace isn't going to fix the problem long-term only cover it for a little while.

I must decrease.

He must increase!!!!

That is what God has been speaking to me about in regards to beauty and self-esteem. Lessons I may have to be reminded of and learned more than once but pray that God will continue increasing so that I may decrease more and more.

"Beholding is becoming so as You fill my view - transform me into the likeness of YOU!"

March Madness

So this is the reason that I have been kind of lacking in posts lately. My beautiful pink cast! :) At least it's a good story that involves back hand-springs.
I spent a good part of last week with these two lovely ladies - Nicole and Patti! They work with Bring Me Hope which is a ministry that runs camps for orphans in China. It was awesome hanging out - we had alot of laughs and fun times. Definitely two sisters after my own heart! (Heart you girls!) <3

Life is interesting at times with my broken hand - it has definitely slowed me down but that has been good.

I was reading some of my old writings earlier tonight and it just stirred some old feelings and reminded me of things that God has taught me and how different seasons in my life have such purpose. How my intimacy with Christ was deepened through the hard seasons - and all that He has taught me. I long for that deeper intimacy with my Savior and so often I settle for mediocre faith and relationship and Jesus is always there waiting for me to run to Him.

Me and my adorable youngest cousin Gabby at a Hockey game last night. ;)

<3 You!

So I've spent the past week pretty much with a couple girls from Bring Me Hope and loved it!!! :) This resulted....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoTbwoDW7WA

<3 You girls!

Also - I broke my navicular scaphoid bone in my right hand - which has made updating difficult but I've been staying pretty busy despite it. Getting ready for Narnia, teaching counting the days til I get to Germany (87!) :D

2009 so far in review

1. Got pulled over driving for the first time. (Probably cried my way out of a ticket, pretty traumatic for some reason.)

2. Pierced my own cartilage - didn't hurt and no infection.

3. Travelled to Indiana for a dance conference (amaazing!)

4. Finished choreography for my third musical with HPA

5. Started the process of attending Midwife school next year

6. Was a guy and wore a tux for a night

7. Got my back-handsprings again (still working for them on the ground though)

8. Went rollerskating for the first time since I was probably 10

9. Went to the best concert of my life with Jon Foreman and Sean Watkins

So that's all for now -more thoughts and some pictures to come soon!

Beholding

Today as I was reading in Matthew, I got to the story about Peter walking on the water. It challenged my heart so much today for some reason. I feel so often that I come to God not entirely surrendered. Like, I will read Scriptures and be excited about what I am learning and can talk about spiritual things, but when it comes down to it and praying and talking to God I think sometimes it's really easy to talk to God but not listen. Why is that? God has always proven Himself faithful and being in that place of entire surrender is the most freeing, beautiful feeling of all. To be at peace with the Lord. If I was entirely surrendered, what would God do with this heart of mine? I like to cling on to little things that aren't important. Does it hurt God when He sees all that could be happening in my heart but when I don't take the time to really listen and surrender? Lord, that I would long to always have that intimacy with You!

I was introduced to the song "Captivated" by Vicky Beeching this week because we are using it for our last dance piece at the Turning Pointe recital and I have listened to it almost constantly since then. It's so beautiful. There is a line in it that says, "Beholding, I'm becoming" and that is so incredible. "What is beholding?" It really made me think - beholding the Lord. I guess I kind of think about it as looking at something, but deeper. Like the eyes of our heart just viewing the Lord and taking in His beauty and wonder and depth. Beholding. I like this concept alot.

On Saturday it reached almost 50 degrees here and was sunny so I went on a walk with my lovely journal to the park and it was so incredible to be outdoors in the sunshine with only a fleece! I enjoyed it so much...

Ramblings

As I have been sick (feeling alot better but still in the hardcore kleenex using stage haha!) I have alot of time to read/think/journal and process those thoughts that keep bugging you and you always send 'em to the back of your brain to think about "later" but in reality later doesn't usually come til you get sick or something.

Saturday night when I was feeling my worst I turned on some music and a song came on when I was drifting in and out of sleep that I haven't heard in a long time. It's called, "Remember Surrender" by Sara Groves. You know, I don't know why but whenever I'm at such a low point God always works so powerfully - once again that happened. As I was laying there miserable I realized how many things I was holding on to in Sarah Grace world. Things that I thought I had surrendered and that weren't a "big deal" but I realized how much I was holding on to those things. I felt like God was asking me, "Do you REALLY trust me on this?" I was like, "well yes I trust You!" But then I thought about how I always will pray about things and lay them over into God's hands and yet I still cling onto them. So I was asking God about this and why if I surrender them do I still keep thinking about them. Well, God answered me in a funny way but basically He was like, "well I didn't tell you to give up your brains when you surrender." I smiled. I do know this and so I think the difference is that we do have brains and we will think about big things coming up or whatever, it's not that we don't think about them but just if we can trust and lay them down.

I guess more than anything during this here little sickness I've been reminded of a deep desire and passion to follow God so closely and to not care what the world thinks - or be hindered any longer by sin. I think God wants us to continue pursuing Him with our everything. Also I've been brought back to this quote alot:

"Satan's biggest trick is to try to get you to do good things God has not called you to do."
John DeVries

Baby Ballerina Cuteness

I was teaching my little baby ballerinas earlier today and we were getting ready to pray and I always ask them what they would like to pray for. One little girl goes:

"I would like to pray for my mommy and daddy" and she proceeds to whisper confidentially, "those are my parents!" :)

Lamb of God

It's kind of awesome that one of Jesus' names is Lamb of God.

I've been reading through the Torah and it's so interessting the detail and attention they pay to sacrifices and blood sacrifices for sin. So when Jesus came, he became that ultimate blood sacrifice - being called "Lamb of God."

We are no longer under the sacrificial system because Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice. Our own Lamb of God. How amazing?!

Gentiles have been engrafted into God's people. When Jesus came, God had set up the world so it was ripe for the Gospel to be preached. Alexander the Great had "hellenized" that part of the world so they all spoke the same language and the Gospel could be preached and understood. (Even where there were different languages Pentecost happened so people could know the Gospel too. God's awesome like that!)

Things changed when Jesus came - the curtain in the temple to the Holy of Holies was torn. Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice. The great commision was time to be fulfilled by God's people, which was expanded to Gentiles. That is humbling and amazing that we are children of God!

Those are just some thoughts running through my head lately... Sometimes I wish I could grow faster and learn more quickly but my friend brought me to the verse from John the other day.

John 16:12 I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear.

I wish I could be done with sin already. I know it doesn't happen overnight and we aren't perfect but I long for that. Being home forever without sin to get in the way of my relationship with Jesus. That unity and perfect peace without being broken or distracted by things. But I also do love the journey - life is a beautiful thing - a gift not to be thrown away. With alot of laughter and moments to be cherished - glimpses into heaven and perfect peace and communion with our Lord.

Calling

We are a doing culture. I heard a sermon a while ago where the guy was talking about how God had brought him from a human doing to a human being and the difference in his life. Then I heard an amazing sermon this Sunday at my church and heard this quote:

"Satan's biggest trick is to get you to do good things that God has not called you to do." ~John DeVries~

Scattered thoughts on a page about brokeness.

There is so much pain out there. I remember last summer when I was out at camp in Colorado, Molly really challenged us with the passage in 2 Kings 4 when Elisha prays for the Shunamite woman's son after he had died and he comes back to life.

"When Elisha reached the house, there was the boy lying dead on his couch. He went in shut the door on the two of them and prayed to the Lord. Then he got on the bed and lay upon the boy, mouth to mouth, eyes to eyes, hands to hands. As he stretched himself out upon the boy, the boy's body grew warm. Elisha turned away and walked back and forth across the room and then he got on the bed and stretched out upon him again. The boy sneezed seven times and then opened his eyes."
2 Kings 4:32-35

I have noticed alot of Christians don't want to go to those places and be entirely intimate in a hard situation. What am I going to say to this person who's hurting? What if they ask a question about God I can't answer? What if I "get dirty" in the process. I think this passage expells alot of that. I get so frustrated with people who are not willing to "get dirty" or dive into others' pain. There is so much pain in the world that needs to be addressed like Elisha did. He laid on top of him and prayed to the Lord on his behalf. People NEED this type of love. It's hard to jump into others pain but if we don't who will? Yes it hurts me to the point of tears that rack my whole body sometimes. My heart breaks for people who are hurting and in pain and I wish I could take it away but I can bring them to Jesus who will ultimately use the pain in their life to draw them unto Himself and to shape and change them. That is so hard in the middle of it but I would not change the hard times that I have been through because of how much closer they have brought me to Jesus.

So who is it in your life right now that you need to go in, shut the door and cry out to the Lord for and dive into their pain with them?