Ramblings

As I have been sick (feeling alot better but still in the hardcore kleenex using stage haha!) I have alot of time to read/think/journal and process those thoughts that keep bugging you and you always send 'em to the back of your brain to think about "later" but in reality later doesn't usually come til you get sick or something.

Saturday night when I was feeling my worst I turned on some music and a song came on when I was drifting in and out of sleep that I haven't heard in a long time. It's called, "Remember Surrender" by Sara Groves. You know, I don't know why but whenever I'm at such a low point God always works so powerfully - once again that happened. As I was laying there miserable I realized how many things I was holding on to in Sarah Grace world. Things that I thought I had surrendered and that weren't a "big deal" but I realized how much I was holding on to those things. I felt like God was asking me, "Do you REALLY trust me on this?" I was like, "well yes I trust You!" But then I thought about how I always will pray about things and lay them over into God's hands and yet I still cling onto them. So I was asking God about this and why if I surrender them do I still keep thinking about them. Well, God answered me in a funny way but basically He was like, "well I didn't tell you to give up your brains when you surrender." I smiled. I do know this and so I think the difference is that we do have brains and we will think about big things coming up or whatever, it's not that we don't think about them but just if we can trust and lay them down.

I guess more than anything during this here little sickness I've been reminded of a deep desire and passion to follow God so closely and to not care what the world thinks - or be hindered any longer by sin. I think God wants us to continue pursuing Him with our everything. Also I've been brought back to this quote alot:

"Satan's biggest trick is to try to get you to do good things God has not called you to do."
John DeVries