God's Tears

Yesterday I was really struck with some reminders about God's love for us. It is quite honestly hard to put into words. Really words don't do certain things any sort of justice. I think that's why I dance - because I feel things so deeply. I can't express some of the deepest things in my heart any other way.

When a 14 year old little girl comes up to you thinking she is pregnant and so confused and asking why and how and all you can do is hug her and tell her that Jesus loves her and will get her through it, when her boyfriend is telling her to get an abortion, when another 17 year old girl just had a baby, when 12 year olds are struggling with eating disorders and self-hatred, when a 15 year old's mom has gotten shot by her then husband who ends up killing himself next to her mom and blaming her mom for it and her older sister tries to commit suicide and she feels like nothing is solid and is clinging to you and praying to Jesus to heal her family, when another girl says that every night she prays to God to change her family and help them stop drinking alcohol and abusing eachother and never sees a change and is struggling with doubt about whether God hear's her prayers and if He truly exists, when another girl is so beautiful and her boyfriend dumps her and then right in front of her starts making-out with another girl and her feelings of self-worth are zero, when a girl wants NOTHING more than her family to simply be a family and her mom struggles with depression, when a girl has an abortion because her dad abuses her untill she does, when another girl shares that she believes in God but isn't really sure about Jesus right now and also claims it's because she's walked away from it by her choice, when your close friend's marriage engagements are broken, when a girl cuts herself for relief from pain but in reality causing so much more pain, when girls are questioning their sexuality because they've had their heart broken by boys too many times to count, when a group of 14 year old's are smoking weed just to relax...

Doesn't it make your heart break? Doesn't it make you ask why? Sometimes I just have to weep... Really truly when girls tell me these things it breaks my heart. I know the answer to their questions but sometimes they have to learn for themselves. I can spoon-feed them what I know - that Jesus DOES hear their prayers and that He has a reason for everything He says in the Bible - not to make life miserable but free. God must cry, it must break His heart to see us everyday try to do things on our own and go against His will and perfect plans for our lives. He must cry.

We had our last Campus Life club last night - a group of us did a dance/skit to the song "This is How it Feels to Be Free!" and during part of it it was all I could do to not cry because I have been freed from my chains and even at the same time it is an everyday surrender too. I know I still cause God pain whenever I choose something that isn't in His will and yet I know of His DEEP love for me in my life and can respond to that love.

I know God cries. And I know that I have made Him cry which can break my heart when I think about it. But - that just makes me SO incredibly thankful for my relationship with Him and His deep, deep love for me. If He didn't cry, I wouldn't know that He loves me and yet He loves me and when I do something against Him and His will it will break His heart, which is how I know He loves me. God's love is soo powerful. Let me remember that each and every moment of the day...